My brother’s theory to why bananas bruise.
Instead of having a crush on a living human, punch yourself right in the fucking face for the same effect
i tried to scroll past this
and plane tickets are not cheap
*australian national anthem softly plays in the background as i prepare to jump off the cliff*
there’s nothing that says “australia’s weather is messed up” quite like the fact that our fire danger system doesnt just stop at “extreme”
and that the second lowest setting is ‘high’
tips to write college papers
- begin with “buckle your seatbelts, motherfuckers, because in eight short pages i am going to learn u a thing that i only learned myself about two hours ago, so sit down, shut up, and enjoy the experience of my 4-am-redbull-induced-self-hatred-fuelled-writing-extravaganza”
- erase when finished with the paper
"After I gave you that lamp, we ate at that terrible Chinese. It’s an angle-poise because you press your face too close to the page when you read and there’s never enough light. You won’t wear glasses because you say your nose is too small and with gasses you’d look like a mole. Which you don’t… Wouldn’t. They’d suit you. You’d look just as… fairly beautiful as you are. It’s yellow because you said no-one wants a yellow lamp. So I thought if I got it for you in yellow then no-one would steal it from your desk. I do give these things quite a lot of consideration, you see… The devil is in the detail."
I’ve been single for a while now, and I have to say it’s going really well. Like, it’s working out. I think I’m the one.